Empowerment!

Finir seule?

Je parlais l’autre jour avec une copine, et entre deux verres elle me dit qu’elle a peur de « finir seule ». Sur le moment même je n’ai rien dit, j’ai du mal à réagir du tac au tac, mais cette expression, pourtant répandue, n’arrête pas de tourner dans ma tête.

Car en fait, ça veut dire quoi, finir seule?

Ma copine, elle a des enfants, des ami.e.s, un frère, des neveux, des amants aussi, des gens autour qui l’aiment et qui ne sont pas près de l’abandonner. Elle est loin d’être seule, et la perspective de la solitude ne me semble pas être réaliste dans son cas.

Par contre, elle n’a pas de couple. Et c’est là que le bât blesse.

Ce qu’elle a voulu me dire est que sans couple, ou au moins une relation amoureuse stable, les filles, on est seules. Car sans le couple, il n’y a pas de « nous », il n’y a que « moi ».

On peut avoir plein de personnes qui nous apprécient, qui nous aiment, qui nous soutiennent, qui font l’amour avec nous, des gens avec qui on cohabite, avec qui on partage plein de choses géniales, mais rien à faire, toutes ces choses ne sont rien face au couple. Leur valeur est tellement moindre. Même si on est dans un couple insatisfaisant, malheureux, cette valeur, cette illusion de ne pas être seule persiste. Et elle gagne par dessus tout.

Bon, j’arrête là, on aura compris, je trouve que c’est du délire. C’est vraiment dire aux gens, et surtout aux femmes, que, seules, elles valent moins. Qu’elles ne peuvent pas être heureuses, seules, elles peuvent faire semblant d’être satisfaites, mais en réalité elles pleurent toutes les nuits dans leurs lits vides.

C’est assez insidieux comme mode de pensée. Ça ressemble à cette autre expression « se refaire une vie », en entendant par là « retrouver un compagnon ou une compagne après une rupture ». Comme si, encore une fois, sans le couple on n’aurait pas de vie. Qu’on pouvait juste s’en donner l’illusion, ou être dans l’attente.

Avec en filigrane cette idée pour laquelle il faut se dépêcher à trouver quelqu’un et construire ce fameux couple, car le temps presse, et on sera bientôt trop vieilles et aigries pour faire des rencontres, se refaire une vie, et on finira seules par la force des choses.

Je ne dis pas que la solitude, c’est cool, non, loin de là. La solitude est une des plaies de notre société. Mais concentrer l’image du bonheur relativement au couple est un leurre, une fausse valeur, une source de frustration artificielle. Combien d’entre nous revoient leurs exigences au rabais et se contentent du moins pire pour être en couple et ne pas finir seule? Encore trop, je crains.

Je ne veux pas me refaire une vie, je veux me construire une vie toute neuve, différente, avec des choses nouvelles que j’avais pas avant, une vie à monter pièce par pièce, jour après jour, ouverte, changeante. Je veux moi.

Et je ne suis pas seule. Même si je vis seule, je ne suis pas seule, car j’ai des gens autour de moi qui m’aiment et que j’aime en retour. Et cet amour n’est pas moins important, moins vrai, moins épanouissant, moins enveloppant, moins intime parfois, moins inconditionnel (au contraire, au contraire…) que celui que je pourrais avoir au sein d’un couple.

Enfin, si elle ne fera pas de grosses bêtises genre devenir sociopathe et dégoûter tout le monde (et je parie que non), ma copine ne finira pas seule. Peut-être sans le couple, mais pas seule!

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33 Commentaires

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    C’est un très bel article plein de vérité. Être célibataire ne veut pas dire être seule. Et c’est important de se le rappeler des fois

    • Reply daniela 11/09/2021 at 20:35

      Tout à fait, et essayer de trouver le mode de vie qui nous convient, en dehors des schémas…

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